The road to adultery is not a short one. A lot must happen before reaching the destination. For some, perhaps they purposefully follow the road signs to destruction. For others, perhaps they find themselves making their way along the road (see Prov. 7). But certainly, there are many exits along this broad way.

Friendships
I suspect that most affairs begin with a simple friendship. It might be a coworker or your friend's spouse. It might start around the proverbial water cooler or in the kitchen at a birthday party. An affair probably never begins in a bed.

Having relationships is important, but having an intimate friendship with the opposite sex is inviting trouble. It's foolish to spend "time alone" on the phone, on the Internet, in the break room, or even just around the corner at that birthday party. If you don't want your spouse to hear what you talk about, you definitely shouldn't be talking about it. But sometimes it's more benign than that. Sometimes it's just a flirtatious joke or a commiserating sob story. Before you know it, you're thinking about that person more often than you should, and you're wondering if he/she is thinking about you.

Laura and I have decided that neither of us will have close friendships with the opposite sex. As much as is possible, we will avoid spending time alone with them. I don't call women on the phone to chat, and men don't call Laura. If a woman emails, I politely answer the email, but do not open a conversation. And at all times, Laura has access to those communications.

When I hear the red flag pop up ("exit now!") in a conversation with a woman, I not only attempt to gracefully get away, but I also try to inject a few praises toward my wife. (I also try to NEVER speak negatively about my wife to others, especially other women.)

Questionable Situations
I want to be above reproach (1 Tim. 5:7). Especially in this day, I've heard too many horror stories of "good" men in compromising situations that have ruined their reputations... either by true guilt or questionable innocence. These men are caught by Potiphar's wife (Gen. 39). Some have run away as Joseph did, and others fell into her temptation. But regardless, they were permanently reproached.

For this reason, as much as is possible, I will not put myself in a situation alone with Potiphar's wife. I will not give a girl a ride home (unless my wife is present). I will avoid being alone in a room with another woman, and will certainly never close the door.

I should also mention at this point that there are some places we just don't go. In particular, we don't go to places where inhibitions will be relaxed or released. I don't go out drinking at a dance club or after work party, for example. Again, that's just foolish.

(Getting and) Staying in Love
While I've mostly written about things to avoid, there are some things you must seek to do as well. Namely, you've got to want to be with your spouse more than you might consider being with someone else.

If you are married, you're supposed to be married. Plain and simple. Even if you think you've "married the wrong person," it is not God's will for you to leave that person. It was a mistake for Jonah to get on that boat and go the wrong direction. But if he hadn't done the right thing on the boat, it would have been just another mistake and God wouldn't have been glorified (see Jonah 1:16). If you're in the "I married the wrong person" boat, you've got to get out! You must fall in love with the person to whom you are married. I won't take the time to tell you how, but you have to and you have to start right now.

But even if you think you married the right person, you still have to keep the flame burning strong. It's too easy to get overwhelmed by the busyness of life and honestly, to get bored. If you don't pursue your spouse, before long, you'll find yourself so far away that it's hard to even find her anymore. If you let this happen, you will probably find it much harder to hear the warnings signs, and certainly a lot easier to barrel past them. You'll start complaining about how your husband doesn't write you love notes anymore, and suddenly you'll get a thank you note from a coworker. You'll wonder why your wife seems so distant, and then the "hugging" girl will give you a little attention.

While I could never foreguess your exits, my wife and I have pre-plotted a few that take some of the guesswork out. If you want to avoid the destruction that goes with an affair, protect your marriage. Consider the beautiful picture of God's marriage with Israel (the vineyard):

I will sing to my love – a song to my lover about his vineyard. My love had a vineyard on a fertile hill. He built a hedge around it, removed its stones, and planted a vine. He built a tower in the middle of it, and constructed a winepress... - Isaiah 5:1-2a

May you consider your marriage like a fertile hill, build a hedge around it, remove its stones, and plant a vine. May it bring forth sweet fruit all the days of your union.